TEACHING CHRONICLES

I have been a teacher for about 5 weeks now. These have been the longest 5 weeks of my life. I never knew why people loved weekends so much but Saturday really is a gift from the heavens. Now I haven't actually enjoyed a real "Saturday" because I have been at the junior high every weekend trying to stop from drowning in an ocean of new teacher woes. There are so many stories that I would love to force all of you to read but I do not have the time nor the will power to do so. But here is a glimpse into my daily routine now.

• 6:05 am: wake up angry (mornings are not really my thing)
• 7:20 am: leave for work and enjoy my 15 minute drive while trying to pump myself up for the day ahead of me
• 7:40 - 8:10: try and get my day in order and water my plant (the most beautiful plant ever that my mom and dad sent me on my first day of school and I haven't managed to kill yet)
• 8:15 - 11:30: something along the lines of teaching kids
• 11:30 - 12:00: adult interaction for the day with lunch in the faculty room
• 12:00 - 2:45: again, some more of that teaching stuff with a little yelling here and there
• 2:45 - 6-ish: meetings (faculty meetings, district meetings, accommodations meetings, collaboration meetings, curriculum meetings...) help students after school, planning, making copies, grading, organizing, etc.
• 7:00pm: usually arrive home around this time with little or no energy
• 7:30 - 10:00: attempt to socialize with my friends that I never see anymore, do some more lesson planning, make my roommates and friends help me grade, get crap done for my calling, eat something that resembles a meal, internet and read my daily email from Glenn Beck, and literally crawl into bed and fall asleep no later than 11 because the 200 kids in my life have taken all the life out of me!

And yes, I did have a student call me Babe today. That did not go over well.

BLACKLISTED PART II

Due to recent events the following items are currently blacklisted until further notice:

Pier 49 Pizza
Taylorsville
Spaghetti Factory
Kiwanis Park
Page, Arizona
People who wear bright orange shirts
Thai Kitchen
Lagoon
Ute Fans
6th East in Provo
Wii
Arby's
Driving to Disney Land
Macey's
Leatherby's
Corvettes
8th North Orem Sonic
B4 (one of my 7th grade classes)

I SHOT MORE GAME THAN I COULD CARRY

I love the Oregon Trail game but frankly, who doesn't? Its awesome. As I visited Washington/Oregon to see my parents, I was reminded of the glorious game that aided in my childhood awkwardness and obesity. As you can tell from the post below, my parents really like me and even more so, my dad likes taking me places that only the two of us would find interesting. Well another stop on our trail was the real Oregon Trail. Dad and I went to the Whitman Mission National Historic Site (if you want to hear the story of the Whitmans I will tell you because its pretty cool) and stood right on the trail. There was even this old wagon still on the trail. Some people are pretty lazy I guess because they've had like 150 years to finish the trek, geez. Anyway, it was pretty fun to see, especially with my inquisitive history buff dad.

MORE CORN

I like to know things about the world around me, how things work, why things are the way they are, etc. One of many "Ashley wonderings" was how they get corn off the cob. Do they pluck out each individual kernel? I didn't know but now I do. I asked me dad about this great puzzle and he actually had an answer for me - a visual answer. My awesome dad arranged for me to visit a processing plant in Weston, OR. One of the stake presidents in his area runs the plant and he gave me a personal tour of the entire place.

We got to see corn go from the fields to a frozen bag of Western Family corn right before our eyes. It was amazing. To get the juicy details on how it all works you will have to talk to me in person so I can show you some great pictures from inside the factory. Really guys, I know I am a nerd but this was amazing. I learned that it takes 45 minutes to freeze a cob of corn (and the freezer room was really cold) but it only takes 7 minutes for cut corn to freeze. Another thing I learned was how to grade corn and peas. There are grades A, B, and C for corn and to tell which one it is you squeeze an individual kernel to look at the liquid that is expelled. Depending on the color and consistency of that one kernel, you can grade an entire crop. Amazing.

We also got to see where the plant does carrots and peas and silage. This place was so full of all this crazy technology like red laser corn scanners that can tell if a single kernel of corn is not up to par. Yeah, crazy. We also got to eat a cob of corn while touring that President Brown just picked of the assembly line and gave it us. It was so cool. Thanks dad for giving me your inquisitive nature and taking me to see the corn, I loved it!!!

IF IT AINT BAROQUE DON'T FIX IT

Well folks, it is "Baroque" and by that I mean my toe. The extremely clever blog title is actually an art history joke that you lesser humans just wouldn't understand. Anyway, the point of this post is not to let you all know how smart I am, it is to make you all feel bad for me. I experienced a very painful "tripping" incident on Saturday that resulted in this:

Do you feel bad for me yet? You should! I would put a picture up of what my foot looks like without the bandage but I don't think you want to see it. Personally, I haven't even seen what it looks like because bodily trauma is not my thing. But the nasty description I got from my family and seeing the toenail that the doctor removed was enough. Heidi and Josh helped me to the ER where the doctor (who reminded me very much of Sydney Herring, the uber-happy doctor on Grey's Anatomy) tied on a tourniquet and injected two needles into my very tender toe. I will spare you anymore details other than to say it's seriously messed up and my little nail may never grow back. The most horrifying part of this whole ordeal is that I love my toes. You can ask anyone what my favorite body part is and toes will be the reply. In fact I was just having a conversation with Corey the other day about how pretty my feet are and how I have perfect toes. He even agreed with me and if you know us, we don't agree on much. Now many of you may be wondering how this actually occurred. I cannot tell you because I do not know. All that happened was that I slipped while stepping into the pool and I was holding my nephew Bennett. The next thing I knew I was in utter agony while my family looked on with disgusted faces at what was left of my beautiful middle toe.

GYM

Usually I go to the gym in the afternoon but today I went early because I am leaving on vacation today. Well I can say now that I hate the morning gym crowd. They are all real lame-wads. Morning gym people are not the people that go to show off in their slutty attire or crazies that don't sweat an ounce; they are worse. They are people with the will and energy to work out. Its a totally different feeling in the morning. All the people were already skinny and toned. And then I was there with the Belnap Flush (awkwardly red cheeks) shining brightly at about mile 2. Yeah, you could say I stood out a little. I look forward to my return to the afternoon crowd. More of my people, the lazier gym-goer if you will.

"THE POLICE? A REUNION!"

I can die happy now because I saw the Police reunite on stage for an hour and a half of insane musical bliss. The concert was great. The Police were great. The company was great. Wow, it was just really great. A slew of the Belnap clan (Jaimee, Jen, Heidi, Cousin, Nadler) along with Laura and Kyle enjoyed the show together. Jaimee was there pseudo pole dancing with her cane trying to seduce Sting and I think it worked. It was hilarious. We missed Josh and Lindsay and Mark who were supposed to attend but they could not make. Sorry guys, the concert was pretty good and a once in a lifetime chance. They did this amazing rendition of Wrapped Around Your Finger. It was probably my favorite song of the night.

PS - for those of you who don't see the quote from Friends in this post, you are lame because its one of the greatest moments from the whole series (hint: Pheobe)

CLASS LISTS

Class lists came in last week and I sat with the social studies department as they went through them. The purpose in doing this was because they (the teachers that have been at OJH for a while) wanted to see some very specific students and who got stuck with them. This is about how the conversation went:

Allison: "Who has Betty?"

Kathy: "Betty who? Oh, Betty. How could I forget??"

Cameo: "Oh no, Allison you have Betty."

Allison: "Okay. As long as I don't have Mary."

(long pause as they search for Mary)

Cameo: "Sorry Ashley."

Me: "I don't think I want Mary."

Lets just say that looking at the class lists was not a fun ordeal for me as they would come upon a student that they were sorry to say was in my class. Oh crap. Hopefully the students don't drive me to insanity. But honestly, I am really excited. I'm sure it doesn't seem like it but whatever they give me, I can handle. I will take it like a teaching champ because thats what I am.

GLENN DOESN'T LIE

My beloved Glenn Beck came to Utah on two separate occasions in celebration of July 4th. He put it best on his blog after giving his amazing Freedom Speech:

"We just took off from the Provo Utah airport. I just finished giving the keynote address at the Freedom Festival’s Patriotic Service. WOW. There is nothing like the way this state celebrates America. It is truly different here. It is more like the America I remember as a kid."

Glenn said Utah is the most patriotic and Glenn doesn't lie. I know he would have been blown out of the water had he spent the 4th of July in Kaysville because hands down, KAYSVILLE 4th RULES ALL! And I don't lie about the sacredness that is the 4th. Let me give you all a little taste of the 4th in K-town.

It starts with the Chuckwagon Breakfast put on by the mayor and the city council. There are pancakes, eggs, breakfast meats that I don't partake of, juice, and friends. You always dodge a couple people and you always hug a couple people. The person I love seeing most at the Chuckwagon is Hannah Watkins, well the whole Watkins clan actually.

After lazily eating 3 huge pancakes and chatting in the baking sun, we saunter down the street to stake our place for the parade. The Kaysville parade is the highlight of the day. I can't explain to you how amazing it is unless you come. I love it when I bring outsiders in the for the first time because they are seriously blown away at how awesome our little town is. At the parade you get to see people you know and then they throw candy and treats to you. Its fantastic. The best part of the parade for me is the Davis High marching band. Love 'em! After the hour long parade of wonder, there is a water parade that will cool you off really well. I'm a little too high maintenance for that so I don't usually participate because lets face it: I will not get ready twice in one day.

After the parade comes a day of BBQ and napping. Good food, good people, good sleep, good town. Perfect. Around 9 pm we head up to DHS for the firework show. You wouldn't think a little town could produce serious greatness with fireworks but we can! The show is about 30 minutes long and you get to lay right under the fireworks so you can kind of feel them exploding in your chest. Its the best feeling. Corey came up for the fireworks and I will admit he had a little sour attitude. He didn't see why it was so important for me to have him there. Then he saw the fireworks show and got how amazing it all is. So he is off my hate list because he made it and he loved it.

To sum up my lengthy piece on how fantastic the 4th of July is in Kaysville, I will leave you all with a few pictures. Enjoy. And don't get jealous that where ever you spent your 4th was lame and mine was awesome. Sorry, its just how Kaysville does it.